The only thing I really feel is the slow pump of my heart as part of the blood is spilling out of the gap that has been left there that feels like it will never heal. The last couple of hands have been a blur. Even at the edge of death, Master was never one to leave things unfinished. He completed everything He had ever started in life. It was one of His sources of pride. To see nothing is left untied, or opened. I would tease Him about it being a condition, like when people can't help but chew their nails. I smile through the fall of salty droplets raining down my cheeks. So many sweet memories.
I didn't get to close, I didn't trust myself to not think about going against His wishes. For when I saw the fire touch the wagon, my first thought was all the warmth around me as I embraced Him, and would find that eternal capture in traveling with Him to the Sky. Its not what He wanted. He was not a selfish man even if I wished so badly He had been. Running the cold feel of my own palms up my arms, the touch of warm metal spiraled along my upper arms. I was allowed to keep the gift He had given me. I was allowed to keep my blue blanket also Mistress made me. Mistress had sent Brea with hers too. Brea, that lucky bitch. She was with Him. We both were given off to Master's closest friends. Brea with to Master Sineo, and I was given to Master Asus. He was a good Master, strong, a bit heavy on the paga drinking and infamous for always wagering. He was very handsome, and had strong hands. I enjoyed His hands greatly. He had many girls already, six when I arrived making His chain now seven. I had known Master well in the past, one thing about us back wagon girls was, there was never a shortage of lustful Masters always coming back from patrol.
Brea didn't take the change well. I think it was the thought of Master dying that was too much for her. A second time her heart had been broken and she wouldn't be strong enough to handle it. So with that, my mourning started two nights ago. Master died in His sleep when the fever returned, and Brea taking the collar that had been removed, went to help get the pyre ready and in the middle of everything He would be burned with, she slit her wrist, and held the collar against her chest until there was no more blood left to spill. They didn't find her until ahns later, when her new Master said she never returned after coming there to help. Mistress said to just cover her with the blanket and leave her there. Brea was all heart, but I would remain loyal enough to do what He wished. His last command of me. To live, and remember Him.
The last couple days with Master were wonderful. The fever broke one day and He was coherent. Telling Mistress to find a Warrior that will take good care of Her and the kids. Telling His Son's what quiva and lances He wanted them to take to their wagons now. In memory of Him. He even strung a beautiful glass bead bracelet for Young Mistress by His own fingers. He knew colors well. Telling Young Mistress His work wagon was Hers, and it was clear early She had the sight of color just like Master did. Mistress went to get some air and when all had left as He forced them to so, saying there are more important things to do then watch to see if He would take another breath, me and Brea came in and had our moment. There was kisses and teasing. That is when He reminded me of His wishes. Tomorrow He said, we were to go and present ourselves to our new owners. Mistress returned and we said our final appeals of love and reminders to one day meet again.
That night the fever came back, and He died two days later. So here I was, watching the flames, dreaming of our reunion that would be...one day. I let dreaming visions play against the flames that formed memories before me. The time I was new to my collar and I tried to give a nicer touch to the wagon by picking flowers to put in bowls of water. I would place them around the wagon and by afternoon they would be gone. It took days for me to figure it out. He thought I was trying to prepare flowers for extracting for Him! So my thoughts of beauty just got me another chore. I did learn how to make silk ones though. Seeing real flowers were not for beauty, they were for dyes. Late at night by the small cooking fires I would roll and stitch little petals and beautiful colors that might even give nature a challenge. Later on me and Mistress had fun decorating Young Mistress's wagon with the silk flowers. Then the time me and Brea were tired of being stuffed in a large leather sack for the boys to try to dodge hanging from a long post when they rode by. Saying our size and weight was perfect for this exercise. They would get distracted and constantly run into us leaving us with bruises and aches all day cause some pretty Mistress walked by they were trying to impress. So thinking ourselves clever, me and Brea found an old dung sack that was weak on the seams. We filled it with enough dung to equal the weight of Brea and I helped hang it up. Brea went to hide in the under belly shadow of a wagon while I called the Masters to tell them she was ready. Needless to say when a pretty Mistress walked by, Second Son slammed right into the sack, and it busted open with dung chips coating Him, the kaiila and even flew out towards the Mistress, that stomped away. Oh did we both run, only to get beat for not cleaning up the dung that fell. Being wasteful. Cause Master found our task pretty amusing, and I saw it was hard for Him not to laugh while we got our punishments.
Those were good times.
I think I will dream well forever with all my wonderful memories.
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